Lifestyle

The greatest step toward a life of simplicity is to learn to let go.

Imagine you had a ripe, juicy apple sitting on an otherwise empty table in front of you.  You pick it up eagerly, take a nibble, and begin to taste it.

You already know how an apple should taste, and so when this one is a bit more tart than you expected, you make a face, feel a sense of disappointment and swallow it, dissatisfied.

Or perhaps the apple tastes EXACTLY as you expected – nothing special at all.  So you swallow without even pausing to enjoy its flavor, and you move on with your day.

In the first scenario, the apple was disappointing because it didn’t meet your expectations.  In the second, it was too plain and unexciting because it met your expectations to a T.

Do you see the irony here?

It’s either not good, or not good enough.

Now imagine you try this: eliminate your expectations of how the apple ‘should’ taste.  You don’t know, and you don’t pretend to know, because you haven’t tried it yet.  Instead, you’re genuinely curious, impartial and open to a variety of flavors.

You taste it, and you truly pay attention.  You notice the juiciness, the grainy texture of the skin, the simultaneously sweet, tangy and tart flavors swirling around your tongue, and all the other complex sensations that arise in your awareness as you chew.  You didn’t know how it would taste, but now you realize it’s brilliant!  It’s brand new, because you’ve never tasted THIS apple before.

Mindfulness practitioners often refer to this as “beginner’s mind,” but really it’s just the outcome of a mindset free of needless expectations.

The apple, of course, can be substituted for anything in your life: any event, any task, any social interaction, any person, any meal, any thought at all that enters your mind, anytime and anyplace.  If you approach any of these with expectations of “how it should be,” they will surely disappoint you in some way… or be too plain and unexciting to remember.  And you’ll just move on to the next disappointment or unexciting experience, and the next, and the next, and so on and so forth, until you’ve lived your entire life stuck in an endless cycle of things you barely like or barely even notice.

But if you approach each event, task, social interaction, etc. without expectations – and just see that event, task, social interaction, etc. at face value – then you will truly see it.  You will truly appreciate it for what it is.  And you will truly experience it like you’ve never experienced anything before, because you haven’t.

This is The Art of Making Life Easier!

So now that we’ve cleared the air a little, let’s take a closer look at three of the most common ways people use expectations to make life harder than it has to be:

1.  You procrastinate to avoid your expectation of problems.

Let’s say you’ve been putting off a big project at work because you’re dreading doing it.  Maybe it’s difficult and you feel overwhelmed.  It’s a lot of hard work, and you are expecting to have to do lots of things you’re perhaps not good at, expecting mistakes, failure and lots of headaches.  But in reality you’re the one giving yourself a headache.  Realize this and let go of your expectations.  This means you don’t know how this project will go… you go into it with an open mind.  You give it a try and see how it goes.  And you learn from the experience no matter how it goes.

Honestly, you cannot find peace by avoiding life.  Life spins and requires us to spin with it; so instead of avoiding what must be done, take every task and experience as a challenge for growth.  Either it will give you what you want or it will teach you what the next step is.

And remember, finding peace in life does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, no challenges, and no hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things while remaining calm in your heart and mind.  (Read Tolle’s A New Earth.)

2.  You give up too soon when you realize things aren’t as easy as you expected.

This is the flip side of the previous point.  But again, expectations are getting in the way…

The best things in life don’t always come easy.  Some level of difficulty is necessary.  Avoiding this truth just makes the hard things harder.  Deep down you know this is true, and yet you’ve entered a new endeavor with the expectation that it will be amazing and you’ll do it with ease.  And when it’s inevitably harder than you thought it would be, and you’re less successful at it than you expected, you’re disappointed and discouraged.  So you lose motivation and give up.

Now imagine you let go of the fantasy of how this endeavor will go, and you’re simply open to what emerges…  You can just do it, without worrying about the outcome.  You can simply be in the moment with it.  Then, no matter how it turns out on the first try, you’ll learn what you need to know.

Bottom line:  There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.  Reality always rears its head in the end.  And the truth about how ordinary people achieve immense happiness and incredible feats of success is that they step out of their comfort zones and do the hard things that their more educated, affluent and qualified counterparts don’t have the courage, drive or determination to do.

So for your own sake, stop expecting everything to be easy and start doing the (necessary) hard things today with an open mind.  I guarantee you will be blown away at just how remarkable you really are and just how fast you can grow.

3.  People hurt you because they don’t behave the way you expected.

This woman at work is driving you crazy because “she’s not doing her work the way she should,” or maybe she’s being inconsiderate somehow.  Your irritation stems from an expectation of how this woman ‘should’ act.  She isn’t acting according to this ideal in your mind, and so you suffer because of it.

It’s time to put aside this expectation that people will live up to your ideals… and just be open to them.  They will behave imperfectly, just as you will.  Of course, accepting people as they are doesn’t mean you do nothing… you can let go of the irritation, and see how they’re having difficulty, and use it as a teaching opportunity, or an opportunity to help them, or to take the next logical step… with no expectation that they’ll love your lesson or follow it, but just with the intention of helping someone and being proactive.

And when your children behave badly, it’s the same problem – they aren’t behaving according to your ideal.  Of course they’re not!  No child behaves ideally, just as no adult does.  Do you behave ideally?  I don’t.  I’m cranky and impolite when I’m tired.  I’m not proud of this, but I struggle to be cheerful and considerate sometimes.  Everybody does.  Your children are struggling, and you can be compassionate and help them.  That is, if you can let go of your expectations that they’ll behave ideally, and accept them as imperfectly beautiful beings who just want to be happy, like you.

Yes, it may be hard to admit, but most of the problems we have with others don’t really have much to do with them at all.  Many of the problems we think we have with them we subconsciously created in our own mind.  Maybe they did something that touched on one of our fears or insecurities.  Or maybe they didn’t do something that we expected them to do.  In any case, problems like these are not about the other person – they’re about us.

And that’s OK.  It simply means these little predicaments will be easier to solve.   We are, after all, in charge of our own decisions.  We get to decide whether we want to keep our head cluttered with stressful expectations, or instead open our minds to the positive realities unfolding in front of us.

All we need is the willingness to look at things a little differently – letting go of ‘what should be,’ and instead focusing our energy on loving ‘what is.’  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Happiness” and “Simplicity” chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

Afterthoughts

Honestly, life is too short to spend at war with yourself.  The biggest disappointments in our lives are often the result of misplaced expectations.  Letting go of needless expectations is your first step to happiness.  Come from a mindset of peace and acceptance, and you can deal with almost anything and grow beyond it.

Mastering the Art of Making Life Easier is not as easy as you’d expect or fantasize.  It takes practice.  It means learning to be mindful of when you have these expectations, ideals and harmful fantasies.  It means learning to see the irritations, anger, sadness, anxieties and mood swings as signals of the expectations you have and didn’t notice.  And it means letting them GO!

Again, that takes a lot of practice.  But that’s the joy of it.  You drop the expectation that you’ll be perfect at this practice, and you just try it.  You learn from the trying.  You grow and improve gradually.  Step by step.  And each moment along the way is a miracle to be noticed, appreciated and enjoyed.

The floor is yours…

How have you been making your life harder than it has to be?   What expectations sometimes get in your way?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Photo by: Danielle Itin

by Sam of Financial Upside

The day may have 24 hours of equivalent length but every hour is not created equal.  Beginning the day with a purpose and a plan increases your chances of success.

In her book What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast, Laura Vanderkam writes, “Seizing your mornings is the equivalent of that sound financial advice to pay yourself first.  If you wait until the end of the month to save what you have left, there will be nothing left over.  Likewise, if you wait until the end of the day to do meaningful but not urgent things like exercise, pray, read, ponder how to advance your career or grow your organization, or truly give your family your best, it probably won’t happen.”

Here are 11 smart ways to start your day.  I would suggest that the most successful people do the majority of these things during the first couple hours of their morning as part of their daily routine.

1. Get an early start.  This extra time will help you avoid speeding tickets, tardiness and other unnecessary headaches.  In addition, most markets and businesses open by 9 A.M.  Whether you work from home or commute to an office, the more time you’ve had to digest the day’s news and obstacles ahead, the greater advantage you’ll have over your competition.
2. Review your Focus list.  What is your number one goal right now?  What’s most important to you?  What makes you happy?  Design your time around these things.  Remember, time is your greatest limited resource, because no matter how hard you try you can’t work 25/8.
3. Review your TO-DON’T list.  A ‘TO-DON’T list’ is a list of things not to do.  It might seem amusing, but it’s an incredibly useful tool for keeping track of unproductive habits, like checking Facebook and Twitter, randomly browsing news websites, etc.  Create one and post it up in your workspace where you can see it.
4. Exercise.  Other than the obvious health benefits, movement increases brain function and decreases stress levels.  Developing a consistent habit of exercising is a discipline which will carry over into your business day – Apple CEO, Tim Cook, is in the gym by 5 A.M. every morning.  If you can, go outside for a walk, or jump on the treadmill and start out slow.  This will jump-start your metabolism and your day.
5. Eat a healthy breakfast.  Your brain and body speed are a function of what you intake.  Bagels, muffins and sugars have the tendency to slow you down.  Fruits, proteins and grains help provide a consistent stream of energy without the sudden drop-off.   Try a mixture of orange, apple and lemon juice with a spinach omelet one morning and let me know how much better you feel.
6. Kiss your partner goodbye.  It sounds cheesy, but most truly successful people have a great home life.  Acknowledging your partner (and kids) mentally relaxes you, allowing you to focus on the day ahead.  Don’t lose sight of the fact that you’re striving to be successful so they may benefit as well.
7. Practice 15 minutes of positive visualization.  In his program Get the Edge, Tony Robbins explains the importance of gratitude visualization first thing every morning.  In a nutshell, spend roughly 15 minutes thinking of everything you’re grateful for: in yourself, among your family and friends, in your career, and the like.  After that, visualize everything you want in your life as if you had it today.  The effect?  Elevated certainty in everything you do, and always being in peak state.  Despite how ‘new age’ it sounds, it’s had incredible effects on associating success into my every-day life.
8. Put first things first.  Successful people recognize that not all hours are created equal, and they strategically account for this when planning their day.  For most of us, our minds operate at peak performance in the morning hours when we’re well rested.  So obviously it would be foolish to use this time for a trivial task like reading emails.  These peak performance hours should be 100% dedicated to working on the tasks that bring you closer to your goals.
9. Eat that frog.  Brian Tracy’s classic time-management book Eat That Frog gets its title from a Mark Twain quote that says, if you eat a live frog first thing in the morning, you’ve got it behind you for the rest of the day, and nothing else will be more difficult.  In others words, get the tough stuff done first.
10. Connect with the right people.  Relationships are the basis of business – communication is the basis of relationships.  Successful people associate with people who are likeminded, focused, and supportive.  These people create energy when they enter the room, versus those who create energy when they leave.  Connecting with these positive people in the morning can set you up for a positive day.
11. Stay informed.  Whether you prefer National Public Radio or the Wall Street Journal, spend a few minutes each morning learning about what is going on in the world.  Not only will it educate you, it may change your perspective or inspire your actions for the day.

Author Bio:  Sam is the main man at Financial Upside. Check out his guidance ranging from inspiration to education.  He’s easy to find on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or by RSS Feed.

Photo by: Stefano Corso

by Barrie Davenport

If you cut to the chase of the meaning of life, it’s the ‘meaning’ part that we all long for.  Beyond all of the stuff, excitement, and happiness we chase on any given day, all of us want to feel like we’ve made an impact on the world in some way.  We need to know that we’ve made a difference.

Does the idea of making an impact on the world cause you to hyperventilate a bit – like you might have to join the Peace Corps or adopt an orphan from Indonesia?

Those are great things for sure, and there are many bold and courageous people whose lives are dedicated to making a huge difference in the world.  But most of us aren’t those people.  We have our jobs and families and lives that need our time and attention.  We don’t have the time, or perhaps even the desire, to save the world or even volunteer at the soup kitchen.  If that makes you feel guilty or frustrated, here’s a redeeming thought:

You can make a difference in the world and create some good karma for yourself in the short, often forgotten, free moments of your day or week.  There are many small, simple actions you can take to profoundly impact your family, your community, and the world.

Lost time is never found again.
-Benjamin Franklin

Think about those times when you are in an elevator, sitting in traffic, surfing the Internet.  Or the Saturday when rain interrupts your plans for the day.  These unallocated, free gaps of time could be spent creating small ripples of positive thought and action that add up to huge waves of good karma.

Here are some ideas for spending these time gaps in purpose-filled ways:

1–5 Minute Gaps of Free Time

1.  Visualize someone you know who is suffering in some way and send them thoughts of loving kindness and peace.

2.  Say something kind or complementary to the person who is serving you or waiting on you in a store or restaurant.

3.  Help someone with their groceries or some other small service to assist them.

4.  Pick up and throw away trash that you see on the street or in a park.

5.  Send an email to someone to let them know you are thinking of them or to compliment something.

6.  Find something in your house that you no longer need to give away to someone who can use it.

7.  Forgive someone or ask for forgiveness.

8.  Read something inspirational to create positive energy for yourself.

9.  Take a minute to grab your own shopping bags to take to the grocery store.

10.  Stop and give that homeless person some change and a kind word, even if you doubt their intentions.

15–30 Minute Gaps of Free Time

11.  Call your parents and tell them how much you love and appreciate them and all they did to raise you.

12.  Really listen to someone, without distraction or interruption.

13.  Empower an entrepreneur in a developing country with a $25 loan through Kiva to help eliminate poverty.

14.  Write a letter to your congress person either to thank them or advise them of a concern.

15.  Collect items for a care package to send someone serving overseas.

16.  Take the care package to the post office and send it.

17.  Walk to lunch or to the store instead of driving.

18.  Research a cause that aligns with your values and make a donation.

19.  Send a group of friends information on your favorite cause, and ask them to join you in supporting it.

20.  Plant a tree.

1–3 Hour Gaps of Free Time

21.  Prepare a meal for someone for no particular reason and deliver it to them.

22.  Watch someone’s children for them just to give them a break.

23.  Teach someone a useful skill – cooking, changing a tire, balancing a checkbook.

24.  Recycle your books and take those you’ve read to a book donation center.

25.  Drop by a nursing home and sit and talk with an elderly person who doesn’t have a visitor.

26.  Have a conversation with someone of another race, a different culture, a different religion, with different political views, and listen to their perspective openly without comment or argument.

27.  Be completely present and engaged with your spouse, partner, and family members.

28.  Plan and organize a group outing with your friends to plant a garden, clean up a community center, or work for a volunteer organization.

29.  Educate yourself.  Do some research on issues that impact you, your community, and the world.  Awareness is the first step toward change.

30.  Make a list of small things you can do around your house to conserve energy and water, stop waste, and recycle.  Then start doing them.

Conclusion

When we have free gaps of time, the lure of the Internet, television, the refrigerator, or text messaging seem to fill this time before we even contemplate what we are doing.  With the awareness that time gaps will appear on occasion, you can prepare yourself with purposeful actions that turn empty time into meaningful moments.

What about you?  How have you turned your time gaps into good karma opportunities for making a difference in the world?

If you want to read more about creating meaning in your life, please download a copy of The Bold Living Guide: 7 Key Ingredients for a Meaningful Life, Barrie Davenport’s free eBook. Barrie is a personal and career coach and the founder of Live Bold and Bloom, a blog about bold and fearless living.

Photo by: Infinity Rain

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Your dignity may be attacked, ravaged and disgracefully mocked, but it can never be taken away unless you willingly surrender it.  It’s all about finding the strength to defend your boundaries.

The manipulators of the world will test you from time to time to see if you bend.  Don’t let them intimidate you.  When you catch them pushing on you, push back.  All it takes is once, and if they get away with pushing you around that once – if they know they can treat you like that – then it sets the pattern for the future.

You are stronger than them!  Stick up for yourself and stop tolerating…

1.  Bullying.

Bullying is not OK.  Period.  There is no freedom on Earth that gives someone the right to assault who you are as a person.  Sadly, some people just won’t be happy until they’ve pushed your ego to the ground and stomped on it.  What you have to do is have the nerve to stand your ground.  Don’t give them any leeway.  Nobody has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power.

It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but just as much to stand up to your family and friends.  Sometimes bullying comes from the most unlikely places.  Be cognizant of how the people closest to you treat you, and look out for the subtle jabs they throw.  When necessary, confront them – whatever it takes to give yourself the opportunity to grow into who you really are.  (Angel and I cover this in detail in the Adversity and Relationships chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

2.  Physical abuse of any kind.

If you have survived the wrath of a physical abuser, and you tried to reconcile things… If you forgave, and you struggled, and even if the expression of your grief had you succumb to outbursts of anger… If you spent years hanging on to the notions of trust and faith, even after you knew in your heart that those beautiful intangibles, upon which love is built and sustained, would never be returned… And especially, if you stood up as the barrier between an abuser and someone else, and took the brunt of the abuse in their place…

You are a HERO.

But now it’s time to be the hero of your future.  Enough is enough!

3.  Supporting hatred.

As Gandhi once said, “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”

Regardless of how despicable another has acted, never let hate build in your heart.  Fighting hatred with hatred only hurts you more.  When you decide to hate someone you automatically begin digging two graves: one for your enemy and one for yourself.

Hateful grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something.  Forgiveness, on the other hand, is for those who are strong enough and smart enough to move on.  After all, the best revenge is to be unlike the person who hurt you.  The best revenge is living well, in a way that creates peace in your heart.  (Read Buddha’s Brain.)

4.  Negativity.

There are plenty of people in this world who will be generous when sharing their negativity and ignorance.  And while they may seem quite eager to feed you their rubbish, please remember it’s not the diet you need.  You need positivity.  So be cautious with whom you let feed your mind and soul.  Do not let the negative opinions of others destroy your inner spirit.

Throughout your life you will meet two kinds of people: those who are a drain on your energy and dreams, and those who give you the energy to pursue your dreams.  Avoid the first kind and cherish the second.

5.  Lies.

If someone fools you once, shame on them.  If someone fools you twice, shame on you.

If you catch someone lying to you, speak up.  Some people will lie to you repeatedly in a vicious effort to get you to repeat their lies over and over until they effectively become true.  Don’t partake in their nonsense.  Don’t let their lies be your reality.

Remember, an honest adversary is always better than a friend who lies.  Pay less attention to what people say, and more attention to what they do.  Their actions will show you the truth.  (Read In Sheep’s Clothing.)

6.  Disparaging remarks about your potential.

Never let someone’s opinion of you wash away your truth.  Never sacrifice who you are or what you aspire to be because someone else sees things differently.

Sometimes even your closest confidants will carelessly crush your potential with smiles on their faces.  They will discredit your ideas, exhibiting zero emotional support, and inadvertently persuade you to forget part of the person you are, along with the person you are capable of becoming.

Don’t let weak minds convince you that you aren’t strong enough.  You are.

7.  Attempts to decide for you.

When you feel out of control or a little lost it can be tempting to look for someone willing to take charge of your life for you, just to alleviate the pressure.  But before you do consider this: if you put a collar around your own neck and hand the leash to someone else, you’ll have no say about where they lead you in life.

When it comes to exercising your inner genius, you must listen to your inner voice.  Try what you want to try, go where you want to go and explore the depths of your own intuition.  Don’t accept false choices just because someone else doesn’t feel what you feel.  Don’t let others leash your dreams and your future.  If something feels right, it probably is.  Give yourself the fair chance you deserve.

Final Thoughts

This is your life.  You may not be able to control all the things people do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.  You can decide not to let their actions and opinions invade your heart and mind.  And above all, you can decide whom to walk beside into tomorrow, and whom to leave behind today.

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What’s one behavior you will not tolerate from others?  Please leave a comment below and let us know.

Photo by: Alpha Designer

NOTE: This post has been updated in 2020 with new stories and data, and moved to here:

40 Incredible Life Experiences You Will Never Forget

Photo by: Hamish Irvine